Chapter 4: The Baby That Could## Chapter 4: The Baby That Could Destroy Us Destroy Us
I
I read Renee's message three times before I trusted my eyes.
* read Renee's message three times before I trusted my eyes.
The baby Monique is carrying may not be Jordan's.
My mother stood on one side of the dining table. David stood on the other. Kayla was beside me, her fingersThe baby Monique is carrying may not be Jordan's.*
My mother stood on one side of the dining table. David stood on the other. Kayla was beside me, her fingers wrapped around my wrist as if she could physically keep me from falling apart.
Nobody spoke.
Then Monique wrapped around my wrist as if she could physically keep me from falling apart.
Nobody spoke.
Then Monique reached for my phone.
I pulled it away.
“Don't you dare.””
“Tiana, I need reached for my phone.
I pulled it away.
“Don't you dare.””
“Tiana, I need you to listen to me.””
“Listen to what? Another version of the truth?””
Her face cr you to listen to me.””
“Listen to what? Another version of the truth?””
Her face crumpled.
“I don't know who sent that message, but you cannotumpled.
“I don't know who sent that message, but you cannot believe everything you read.””
“It's from Renee, isn't it?””
Monique said nothing.
I turned believe everything you read.””
“It's from Renee, isn't it?””
Monique said nothing.
I turned to David.
“You said Renee is back in town. to David.
“You said Renee is back in town. You know where she is, don't you?””
He nodded.
“Then I'm You know where she is, don't you?””
He nodded.
“Then I'm going to see her.””
My mother stepped between me and the front door.
“Absolutely going to see her.””
My mother stepped between me and the front door.
“Absolutely not.””
I stared at her.
For eighteen years, I had mistaken her control for concern not.””
I stared at her.
For eighteen years, I had mistaken her control for concern. She had chosen my schools, advised me on my friends, and encouraged me to pursue a career. She had chosen my schools, advised me on my friends, and encouraged me to pursue a career she considered respectable.
Even when I moved into my own apartment, she called she considered respectable. Even when I moved into my own apartment, she called every evening to ask whether I had locked the doors.
I'd thought she was protective because every evening to ask whether I had locked the doors.
I'd thought she was protective because she'd raised me alone.
Now I wondered whether she had spent my entire she'd raised me alone.
Now I wondered whether she had spent my entire life trying to control the questions I might ask.
“Move,” I said life trying to control the questions I might ask.
“Move,” I said.
“Tiana, you don't understand what you're walking into.””
“Then explain it.””
She pressed her lips together.
“.
“Tiana, you don't understand what you're walking into.””
“Then explain it.””
She pressed her lips together.
“That's what I thought.””
I walked past her.
Kayla followed,That's what I thought.””
I walked past her.
Kayla followed, but David called after us.
“Wait.””
I turned.
He placed his business card on the table.
“Renee's but David called after us.
“Wait.””
I turned.
He placed his business card on the table.
“Renee's appointment is Monday morning. The law office is on Jefferson Avenue appointment is Monday morning. The law office is on Jefferson Avenue. I'll text you the address.””
“Why are you helping me now?””
The question. I'll text you the address.””
“Why are you helping me now?””
The question seemed to hurt him.
“Because I promised your father I would look after his children.””
“Both of them?””
He lowered his eyes.
“Yes.””
I wanted to seemed to hurt him.
“Because I promised your father I would look after his children.””
“Both of them?””
He lowered his eyes.
“Yes.””
I wanted to ask why he had waited eighteen years. I wanted to demand why every adult who ask why he had waited eighteen years. I wanted to demand why every adult who had known my father had apparently agreed that I deserved a childhood built on half-truths.
Instead, I walked out.
Behind had known my father had apparently agreed that I deserved a childhood built on half-truths.
Instead, I walked out.
Behind me, my mother called my name.
I didn't turn around.
Kayla drove us to my me, my mother called my name.
I didn't turn around.
Kayla drove us to my apartment.
I sat in the passenger seat with my phone in my lap, reading Renee's message until apartment.
I sat in the passenger seat with my phone in my lap, reading Renee's message until the words blurred. The city moved past the window in streaks of headlights and the words blurred. The city moved past the window in streaks of headlights and storefronts, but I barely noticed.
Finally, Kayla spoke.
“There's storefronts, but I barely noticed.
Finally, Kayla spoke.
“There's something I need to tell you.””
I turned toward her.
“What?””
She kept her something I need to tell you.””
I turned toward her.
“What?””
She kept her eyes on the road.
“Jordan called eyes on the road.
“Jordan called me yesterday.””
My stomach tightened.
“Why?””
“He asked whether you'd mentioned anything about your mother's birthday.””
I stared at her.
“ me yesterday.””
My stomach tightened.
“Why?””
“He asked whether you'd mentioned anything about your mother's birthday.””
I stared at her.
“Her birthday?””
“He wanted to know whether you were planning something. I thought he was helping you with the surprise dinner.””
“He was checking what I knew.””
“Her birthday?””
“He wanted to know whether you were planning something. I thought he was helping you with the surprise dinner.””
“He was checking what I knew.””
“That's what I think now.””
I looked down at my hands.
“Did he say anything else?””
Kayla hesitated.
“HeThat's what I think now.””
I looked down at my hands.
“Did he say anything else?””
Kayla hesitated.
“He asked whether you'd ever told me about the argument you and he had asked whether you'd ever told me about the argument you and he had in September.””
I looked up sharply.
“What argument?””
“The one he said happened at your in September.””
I looked up sharply.
“What argument?””
“The one he said happened at your apartment. He told me you two had a big fight about your future.””
“We didn't have a apartment. He told me you two had a big fight about your future.””
“We didn't have a big fight.””
“You did argue about something, though. You told me he big fight.””
“You did argue about something, though. You told me he was acting strangely.””
I remembered.
Three weeks earlier, Jordan had arrived at my apartment after was acting strangely.””
I remembered.
Three weeks earlier, Jordan had arrived at my apartment after midnight. He'd paced around my kitchen, repeatedly checking his phone. When I'd midnight.
He'd paced around my kitchen, repeatedly checking his phone. When I'd asked what was wrong, he'd accused me of pressuring him to propose.
I'd been stunned.
asked what was wrong, he'd accused me of pressuring him to propose.
I'd been stunned.
We had discussed marriage, yes, but I'd never demanded a ring.
He'd apologizedWe had discussed marriage, yes, but I'd never demanded a ring.
He'd apologized the following morning and blamed stress at work.
Now I wondered whether the following morning and blamed stress at work.
Now I wondered whether he had been rehearsing a different future with my mother while trying to keep me he had been rehearsing a different future with my mother while trying to keep me from asking about ours.
“Kayla, what if the from asking about ours.
“Kayla, what if the baby really isn't his?””
“Then your mother has some baby really isn't his?””
“Then your mother has some explaining to do.””
“And if it is?””
Kayla gripped the steering wheel.
“Then Jordan has explaining to do.””
“And if it is?””
Kayla gripped the steering wheel.
“Then Jordan has even more explaining to do.””
My phone vibrated.
Jordan's name appeared on the screen.
even more explaining to do.””
My phone vibrated.
Jordan's name appeared on the screen.
I answered before I could change my mind.
“Tiana,” he said immediatelyI answered before I could change my mind.
“Tiana,” he said immediately.
“Thank God.””
“What do you want?””
“To talk to you.””
“You've had three.
“Thank God.””
“What do you want?””
“To talk to you.””
“You've had three weeks to talk to me about the pregnancy.””
His breathing caught.
weeks to talk to me about the pregnancy.””
His breathing caught.
“How did you—”
“Don't.””
“Listen, I know what this“How did you—”
“Don't.””
“Listen, I know what this looks like.””
I laughed bitterly.
“Do you? Because from where looks like.””
I laughed bitterly.
“Do you? Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you slept with my mother, got her pregnant, and then came I'm standing, it looks like you slept with my mother, got her pregnant, and then came downstairs to watch me find out.””
He was silent.
“Was downstairs to watch me find out.””
He was silent.
“Was any of it real?”” I asked.
“What?””
“Us. The any of it real?”” I asked.
“What?””
“Us. The plans. The promises. The things you said when you held me.
Were any of them plans. The promises. The things you said when you held me. Were any of them real?””
“Yes,” he said quickly.
“Tiana, I love you.””
“ real?””
“Yes,” he said quickly.
“Tiana, I love you.””
“Then why did you do it?””
“I made a mistake.””
“A mistakeThen why did you do it?””
“I made a mistake.””
“A mistake is forgetting an anniversary. A mistake is buying the wrong birthday present. You don't accidentally is forgetting an anniversary.
A mistake is buying the wrong birthday present. You don't accidentally have an affair for months.””
“I know.””
“Do you?””
He exhaled shakily.
“I have an affair for months.””
“I know.””
“Do you?””
He exhaled shakily.
“I was going to tell you.””
“When? At the hospital? When the baby arrived?””
“No.””
was going to tell you.””
“When? At the hospital? When the baby arrived?””
“No.””
“Then when?””
He didn't answer.
I pressed my“Then when?””
He didn't answer.
I pressed my free hand against my forehead.
“Tell me something, Jordan. Is that baby yours?””
Silence.
Then he said, “I believe it is.””
The free hand against my forehead.
“Tell me something, Jordan. Is that baby yours?””
Silence.
Then he said, “I believe it is.””
The words chilled me.
“You believe it is?””
“ words chilled me.
“You believe it is?””
“Monique told me—”
I closed my eyes.
“You're letting my mother tell youMonique told me—”
I closed my eyes.
“You're letting my mother tell you who the father of her baby is?””
“It's complicated.””
“No. It's who the father of her baby is?””
“It's complicated.””
“No. It's biology.””
He started speaking faster.
“There's something biology.””
He started speaking faster.
“There's something you don't know about your mother and me. It wasn't just physical. We were talking about things. About her you don't know about your mother and me.
It wasn't just physical. We were talking about things. About her past.
About your father. She was lonely, and I was trying to help her.””
“Help her?””
“I know how past. About your father. She was lonely, and I was trying to help her.””
“Help her?””
“I know how that sounds.””
“It sounds like you're trying to make an affair sound charitable.””
He went quiet.
I could hear a television playing in the background. He wasn't at home. There was a faint metallic that sounds.””
“It sounds like you're trying to make an affair sound charitable.””
He went quiet.
I could hear a television playing in the background. He wasn't at home. There was a faint metallic clatter, followed by a door closing.
“Where are you?”” I asked.
“At my place.””
“Jordan, tell me the truth for once. Are clatter, followed by a door closing.
“Where are you?”” I asked.
“At my place.””
“Jordan, tell me the truth for once. Are you with my mother?””
“No.””
A woman's voice sounded faintly behind him.
“Jordan, is that Tiana?””
My blood ran cold.
I knew that voice.
Monique.
Jordan had lied to me again.
“Put her on the phone,” I said.
“Tiana—”
“Put my mother on the phone!””
The line went silent for several seconds.
Then Monique spoke.
“Baby, please don't do this over the phone.””
“Stop calling me that. I you with my mother?””
“No.””
A woman's voice sounded faintly behind him.
“Jordan, is that Tiana?””
My blood ran cold.
I knew that voice.
Monique.
Jordan had lied to me again.
“Put her on the phone,” I said.
“Tiana—”
“Put my mother on the phone!””
The line went silent for several seconds.
Then Monique spoke.
“Baby, please don't do this over the phone.””
“Stop calling me that. I want one answer. Is Jordan the father?””
She breathed shakily.
“I can't want one answer. Is Jordan the father?””
She breathed shakily.
“I can't answer that right now.””
My fingers tightened around the phone.
“Why not?””
“Because there's something I answer that right now.””
My fingers tightened around the phone.
“Why not?””
“Because there's something I have to explain first.””
“What?””
She whispered, “Jordan wasn't the only man I have to explain first.””
“What?””
She whispered, “Jordan wasn't the only man I was seeing.””
The call ended.
I stared at the screen.
Kayla pulled was seeing.””
The call ended.
I stared at the screen.
Kayla pulled into my apartment complex and parked.
For a long moment, neither of us moved into my apartment complex and parked.
For a long moment, neither of us moved.
Then I whispered, “She was seeing someone else.””
Kayla turned.
Then I whispered, “She was seeing someone else.””
Kayla turned off the engine.
“Then we're getting that DNA test.””
I shook my head.
“She's off the engine.
“Then we're getting that DNA test.””
I shook my head.
“She's going to lie about it.””
“Not if we stop letting her control the conversation.””
My phone vibrated again going to lie about it.””
“Not if we stop letting her control the conversation.””
My phone vibrated again.
This time, it was Renee.
*I can meet you tonight. Don't tell.
This time, it was Renee.
I can meet you tonight. Don't tell Monique where we're going.
A location appeared beneath the message.
An address on the edge of town Monique where we're going.*
A location appeared beneath the message.
An address on the edge of town, beside an old public park.
I showed Kayla.
She frowned.
“That's an odd place to meet, beside an old public park.
I showed Kayla.
She frowned.
“That's an odd place to meet someone who's been waiting eighteen years to tell you the truth.””
“Maybe she doesn't trust my mother someone who's been waiting eighteen years to tell you the truth.””
“Maybe she doesn't trust my mother not to follow me.””
“Or maybe she doesn't trust anyone.””
I looked at the not to follow me.””
“Or maybe she doesn't trust anyone.””
I looked at the message again.
Then I typed my reply.
I'll be there.
The park was message again.
Then I typed my reply.
I'll be there.
The park was almost empty when we arrived.
A cold wind swept through the trees, rattling dry almost empty when we arrived.
A cold wind swept through the trees, rattling dry leaves across the pavement. The playground stood beneath a row of streetlights, its swings moving gently despite the absence of children.
A leaves across the pavement. The playground stood beneath a row of streetlights, its swings moving gently despite the absence of children.
A woman sat on a bench near the walking path.
She wore a long gray coat and held a paper woman sat on a bench near the walking path.
She wore a long gray coat and held a paper cup between both hands. Her dark hair was streaked with silver, and when she looked up, I saw something in her face that made cup between both hands. Her dark hair was streaked with silver, and when she looked up, I saw something in her face that made my chest tighten.
It was the same expression I'd seen in my father's photograph.
The same eyes.
The same slight crease beside my chest tighten.
It was the same expression I'd seen in my father's photograph.
The same eyes.
The same slight crease beside the mouth.
She stood slowly.
“Tiana?””
I nodded.
“Renee?””
She pressed the mouth.
She stood slowly.
“Tiana?””
I nodded.
“Renee?””
She pressed her lips together, fighting tears.
“You look so much like him.””
I didn't know whether to feel comforted or violated.
“You knew my her lips together, fighting tears.
“You look so much like him.””
I didn't know whether to feel comforted or violated.
“You knew my father.””
“I loved your father.””
The words came so easily that I hated her for saying father.””
“I loved your father.””
The words came so easily that I hated her for saying them.
“Did he love you?””
Renee looked down.
“Yes.””
“And them.
“Did he love you?””
Renee looked down.
“Yes.””
“And my mother?””
She let out a sad breath.
my mother?””
She let out a sad breath.
“He loved her, too. In his own way.””
“That sounds convenient.””
“It isn't. None of it was.””
I“He loved her, too. In his own way.””
“That sounds convenient.””
“It isn't. None of it was.””
I folded my arms.
“Tell me about the baby.””
Her expression changed.
“What did Monique tell you?””
“That she doesn't know who the folded my arms.
“Tell me about the baby.””
Her expression changed.
“What did Monique tell you?””
“That she doesn't know who the father is.””
Renee stared at me.
Then she looked at Kayla.
“Is she your friend?””
“Yes.””
“Good. father is.””
Renee stared at me.
Then she looked at Kayla.
“Is she your friend?””
“Yes.””
“Good. You'll need someone who isn't afraid to tell you when you're being lied to.””
She reached into her coat and pulled out a folded document.
“I didn't You'll need someone who isn't afraid to tell you when you're being lied to.””
She reached into her coat and pulled out a folded document.
“I didn't come here to hurt you, Tiana. I came because your mother has spent years making sure come here to hurt you, Tiana. I came because your mother has spent years making sure our lives never crossed.””
“Why?””
“Because the truth about your father wasn't the only thing she was afraid of losing.””
She handed our lives never crossed.””
“Why?””
“Because the truth about your father wasn't the only thing she was afraid of losing.””
She handed me the paper.
It was a photocopy of a hospital record.
The date was from eighteen me the paper.
It was a photocopy of a hospital record.
The date was from eighteen years earlier.
My eyes moved down the page until they reached the patient's name.
years earlier.
My eyes moved down the page until they reached the patient's name.
*Renee Carter.*
Below it were details about the delivery and*Renee Carter.*
Below it were details about the delivery and a notation indicating that the newborn had been admitted for observation.
I looked at Renee.
“Is this your a notation indicating that the newborn had been admitted for observation.
I looked at Renee.
“Is this your daughter's birth record?””
“Yes.””
“What's her name?””
daughter's birth record?””
“Yes.””
“What's her name?””
“Amara.””
I swallowed.
“Where is she now?””
Renee's“Amara.””
I swallowed.
“Where is she now?””
Renee's eyes filled.
“She's close to you.””
I stared at her.
“What does that mean?””
eyes filled.
“She's close to you.””
I stared at her.
“What does that mean?””
Before she could answer, headlights swept across the park.
A black SUV turned into the lotBefore she could answer, headlights swept across the park.
A black SUV turned into the lot.
Renee's face drained of color.
“Oh, no.””
Kayla stood.
“What's wrong?””
Renee grabbed my wrist.
.
Renee's face drained of color.
“Oh, no.””
Kayla stood.
“What's wrong?””
Renee grabbed my wrist.
“You have to leave. Now.””
The SUV stopped beside the curb.
The driver's door opened.
A“You have to leave. Now.””
The SUV stopped beside the curb.
The driver's door opened.
A woman stepped out.
She was in her early twenties, wearing a black coat and carrying a woman stepped out.
She was in her early twenties, wearing a black coat and carrying a leather folder. Her hair was pulled into a neat bun, leather folder. Her hair was pulled into a neat bun, and she walked toward us with the determined stride of someone who had spent too long waiting for an and she walked toward us with the determined stride of someone who had spent too long waiting for an explanation.
Renee covered her mouth.
The woman stopped a few feet away and looked directly at me.
Then she explanation.
Renee covered her mouth.
The woman stopped a few feet away and looked directly at me.
Then she said, “My name is Amara Carter.””
She glanced at Renee, then said, “My name is Amara Carter.””
She glanced at Renee, then back at me.
“And if you want to know why your mother is pregnant, you need to back at me.
May you like
“And if you want to know why your mother is pregnant, you need to know what Jordan promised me before he started sleeping with her.””
know what Jordan promised me before he started sleeping with her.””
